I am puke
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
