Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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