I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
