I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
