I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't notice because vodka
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
