yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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