Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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