It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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