every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How does one acquire holy water?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
