I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
