grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm experimenting with sincerity
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
