I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
