I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
