we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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