I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
