I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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