We're facebook friends in real life
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
