we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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