i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
