I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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