I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
