i love accidental penises.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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