This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
