Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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