my phone needs a breathalizer
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I love you. Go after that dick
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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