First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Terrible idea I love it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
