Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
