Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
