in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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