my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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