ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
