i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
did you just send me my own nude
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
