How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
