Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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