someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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