is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
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