this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
