So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
