the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
