I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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