I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
