Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
