I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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