OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
