I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
