I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
