The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
