Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
