Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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