I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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