put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I smell like Dick and happiness
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
