is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
